So I will do so now.
I’ve been doing so much thinking lately. I think about how much I’ve grown in the past year, how much I want things to be different, my failures and my successes but mostly how much growing I have left to do.
Sometimes I catch myself trying to be more mature than I actually am. I surround myself with people that truly inspire me and have proven to be people worthy of my respect….they just happen to be much older than me. I think this blinds me in the sense that….I feel I’m at the same level as them.
Reality check…I’m 19. I still go to a community college, my dad still pays a few of my bills and I work in retail and don’t make a ton of money. But I’m 19…not 29, not 33, not 35. And I’m okay with that for now because I know at some point in my life….all that will change.
But not really. On Friday I went into target to grab a few things before I left for San Diego and ran into a guy that was in my anthropology class two semesters ago. I never got his name or even talked to him but when I looked up from a pack of pens there he was. Standing in front of me. Looking right at me. Did I say anything? Nope. I smiled and walked away.
So all weekend this situation has been haunting me and today I finally realized why….I didn’t say anything. Maybe sometimes I let my shyness get the best of me. It wouldn’t have killed me to smile and say “hey…werent you in my anthro class?” but instead it’s killing me now that I didn’t say anything at all.
I realized that I can’t have any more of this bullshit anymore. Dating is hard, meeting good quality guys is even harder. So I dont want to spend my time wondering about the “what if”
i had said something? Words never said are the ones that haunt us the most.
